Updated: Nov 30, 2020
I’m noticing more & more that ascension isn’t about getting a new life, but rather working through the one you have to make it better.
For so long I wanted a new identity. To escape the pains of my past. To not be associated with the trauma, the disappointment, the things, places & people I even seen as failures.
I hated where I came from. It was like I couldn’t escape this dark cloud of generational heaviness, limits, boundaries & curses.
I blamed my parents for how I grew up, for what I seen, for what I felt. For what I didn’t experience or did... I was angry that I was that poor black girl who was doomed to be a statistic.
It was almost like it was designed to be that way. And I hated it.
My journey of real self discovery started in 2009. And it started with going back to church. Trying to find a savior, to redeem me, repurpose me & make me whole.
I wanted to wash away who I was and create a whole new identity...
Not realizing I am my own “savior”.
My thoughts, my emotional maturity or a lack thereof, my daily rituals, all needed a rebooting of some sort.
But I wasn’t going to find that in no church, or any ol’ spiritual occult.
Although dodging religion & embarking upon my “spiritual” journey has been the best thing for me; doing so still required me to face me!
The biggest war yet!
Going deep within helped me realize the lack of self love I truly had and needed so badly to regain.
Taking a look at my childhood, my teenage years & now my adulthood, I am able to connect dots, find answers to the whys & actually transmute all those experiences into healing energy.
I first thought entering into this “enlightened” plain would immediately erase all the bad, negative & low vibrations of my past & present. But it didn’t. It heightened those things and made me aware of how fucked up I really was/am and those around me.
In ALL, I am discovering self and I’m more willing & ready to heal, love & ascend, not hide.
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